The Thief and the Crocs

Adaptation of the “Fox and the Crow”

Three weeks after the 2024 Summer Olympics, the air was getting cooler in Traverse City, Michigan, as the town readied for winter. A brilliant thief named Kitsune was strolling through Walmart. He wasn’t there to buy anything; he was looking for his next target to trick. Kitsune was the perfect thief. Whenever he did a job, he never got caught unless he wanted to, for his own advantage. An occasional court case was fun for him because he knew he would always win. He was a very learned man with multiple PhDs, one of which was in law.

The thief had been stealing since he was a boy. He wasn’t especially fast, and he wasn’t especially strong, but he was especially crafty. He had a gift for pushing people to irrationality and convincing them to practically hand over whatever he desired straight into his greedy paws.

As he was drifting past the snack aisle, he spotted the newest Olympic gold medalist in track browsing the snack aisle.

The runner had grown up in Traverse City, and he was a local celebrity. Half the city had watched him race at watch parties. Since he’d flown home from Paris two days ago, he’d appeared on the local morning news and received a key to the city. He had stopped at Walmart because he was quite hungry and wanted to stock up on some snacks. He wouldn’t have to be in the Olympics for another four years, and he was excited to indulge in some of his old favorite treats.

Kitsune then noticed the runner’s footwear: Crocs. Kitsune remembered when he was young and couldn’t afford to buy Crocs of his own. He had determined he would go to any length in order to obtain Crocs for himself one day. That became the genesis of Kitsune’s life as a thief. He would steal and steal until he had enough to take over the Crocs company and fulfill his childhood dream of being the cool kid with Crocs. His ultimate goal in stealing was always conquering Crocs. Feeding himself and having an awesome place with a sick gaming computer and his dream car were nice side benefits of thieving, but the Crocs company was his holy grail. And now this Olympian was offering him the perfect opportunity.

So Kitsune resolved to work his magic on the Olympian.

Kitsune muttered to the bag of chips that he was pretending to look at, “Why do they never have my favorite in stock?”

The Olympian replied, “They don’t make them like they used to. I can never seem to find the one I’m looking for.”

Kitsune then asked, “I’m sorry, I’m Kitsune. What’s your name?”

Of course, Kitsune already knew the Olympian’s name. The Olympian was a well-known town hero, and the thief had even grown up in Traverse City and gone to the same school as the 24-year-old runner. Kitsune was just five years younger.

“My name is Wyatt. Are you new around here?” the runner stuttered in response.

“I am,” Kitsune lied. “And this might be a bit weird to say, but your calves are really strong-looking.”

“Why, thank you,” stated Wyatt. “Would you believe me if I told you I was an Olympic runner?”

“Based on the size of your quads, I’d say that’s likely,” Kitsune concluded.

“Well,” bragged Wyatt, “I actually just won the Olympics for track in Paris, and I got home about two days ago.”

“Wow! Wow! WOW!!!” Kitsune exclaimed. “That’s so crazy. I wanted to go to the Paris Olympics, but then I had to take care of my sick mother,” he lied again. “This might be a big favor to ask, especially since you just got back, but could you pretty please run so I could feel like I still got to go to the Olympics?”

“I don’t know,” said Wyatt. “I can’t run because I have these special Crocs on. I can’t risk damaging them.”

This was the part that Kitsune was waiting for. Now, about the Crocs — these weren’t just any ordinary Crocs. These Crocs were worth well over $3 million, which would get Kitsune just five dollars away from his goal of buying the Crocs company. It was a practical work of art, and it was given to Wyatt for winning the gold medal for the US. They were coated in gold and were made of a new synthetic substance that was worth a great deal; it was known for its durability while still being very soft on the feet. The Crocs had diamond studs as grips on the bottom and platinum Croc charms, and were also signed by the rest of the US gold medalists.

Kitsune then comforted Wyatt. “No worries, you can set them on the rack and I’ll watch them for you. Like a fox… wait, sorry, I meant hawk. And the floor is pretty clean — it’s Walmart. Maybe I could get a video for my sick mother? Seeing your incredible thighs and calves could be the one thing to put a smile on her dying face.”

Kitsune continued to flatter Wyatt, and Wyatt started to trust him and even became convinced that running down an aisle at Walmart was a perfectly normal activity.

Wyatt then interrupted Kitsune as he began talking about Wyatt’s abs and said, “Okay, I’ll run in the aisle for you so you can see what a true runner looks like and also get a piece of the Olympics.”

Kitsune then gushed, “Yay! I’m so excited to see somebody do what they’re the best in the world at doing!”

Wyatt then took off his prized Crocs and set them on the rack next to the chips. Wyatt asked Kitsune to give him a countdown. Kitsune counted down from 10 and then shouted, “GO!” Wyatt was off like a bullet. Halfway down the aisle, he looked behind him to see if Kitsune was surprised at his speed, like most were, but instead, he saw a totally empty aisle. No Kitsune. No Crocs. No chips.

Kitsune came sprinting back into the aisle, panting. “You’re not going to believe this,” he gasped. “Somebody tried to steal your Crocs. They got away — but I know exactly what the person looked like, and I’m going to track them down.” What he actually did was hide the Crocs in the toilet paper section, where they waited for him to swing back by and take them home, because he was already planning to make an exact replica.

Once home, Kitsune put his other PhD to work — this one in computer engineering. He dug through his epic lab/garage/hideout/mom’s basement until he found the old gizmo he had created at the end of his school days, sitting there collecting dust. The device was a replicating gadget about the size of an iPhone, and it could scan practically anything and give you the 3-D model. So he scanned the Crocs, pulled the model up on his decked-out PC, and printed it on his own custom laser printer, the Replicator 2000, which was also small — about the size of a baby turtle. He had used these apparatuses to pull off many other heists over the years, copping precious items from bank vaults and replacing them with their duplicates.

Now he used them to duplicate the most prized footwear of his career. He fed the Replicator 2000 some plastic, uploaded the 3-D model, and let the little contraption do its work. When the replica came out, Kitsune painted the Crocs to look almost identical to the originals. Almost.

A few days later, while strolling through town, Kitsune spotted a flyer. “MISSING CROCS,” it read. “REWARD IF FOUND.” He could not have asked for a better setup. He confidently strolled up to the runner’s house and handed over the Crocs — but right before Wyatt could grab them, Kitsune pulled them back.

“The reward first,” he said, holding out one of his greedy paws.

Wyatt sighed and gave him the five-dollar reward promised on the flyer.

Kitsune handed over the replica Crocs and walked away with a smile on his face. Those five dollars were the last five dollars he needed; he finally had all the funds required to purchase the Crocs company. His holy grail was officially within reach.

Wyatt put on his shoes, only to find that they were just hard plastic. His favorite footwear was gone, along with his five dollars. He then died of sadness because of his loss and because he had eaten too many chips.